Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Friday, September 18, 2009

E-Cigarettes - What the ...?.



The future of smoking is here! So they say.

Electronic cigarettes or E-cigarettes are the wave of the future. I mean just check out the picture. You just charge the little thing up and smoke away. The charge is just like a real pack too, it lasts for one day. Can you imagine the fights at the airport for a freakin plug to charge your "smoke". hmmm maybe a new business all in itself.


There are a few things though that would make e-Cigs even cooler.

Wireless Internet embedded - track your smoking on your laptop, even post WHEN and WHERE you are smoking to Twitter. That would be awesome!

Play a fight tune - download your favorite college fight songs

Darth Vader Sounds - When you inhale and exhale have some cool sounds like Darth Vader breathing

Cell Phone - use as bluetooth mic for your cell or just have cell phone right in cigarette.

Colored Smoke - some type of cool smoke with fragrance or better yet Glow in the Dark smoke.

Sound record and playback - record yourself talking and playback and your friends would be amazed you can talk with out moving lips or better yet record some Sinatra and you'll be the hit of the party. Should come with 10 pickup lines

Built in IPod - I would just assume this is already built in to a E-cig

Gun - you know like on Get Smart

Flashlight - So you can work under the sink and smoke at the same time

Waterproof - So you can smoke while diving.

OpenSource - This is only for you geeks. But you should be able to create plugins for the E-Cigarette. OK let me guess the first "plugin" - Pot simulator or maybe we just create the iPot.


The downside to the E-Cigarette is:

What will the birds eat? Don't they eat all those cigarette butts laying around?
What will ashtray cleaners do?
What will ashtray manufacturers do?
What will my kids make at camp?
Will Bic survive?
How will my kids light fireworks?
Who will start those little fires on the side of the road?
Will the art of thumping butts go away?
Tough guys can't put cigs out on their chest.
Airlines will have to redo safety videos and remove lavatory stickers

My wife can't tell me to go to store to buy cigs anymore

I don't have a reason to get out of house
What if we are hit by a EMP (Electromagnetic Pulse Attack) and we have no power?
and last but not least
Where can I get REAL second hand smoke!


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Sunday, August 09, 2009

Tweet this, it's Awesome

Twitter users, This is twomething you twave to tweet!

Russ B of the Internet Review twalls it, "absolutely twilarious".

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Monday, August 03, 2009

Those Wacky Birthers!

Ohhh those wacky kooky birthers are getting their time in the limelight.

What is a birther? Well to hear the left and many in the media it's some "nut job" claiming Barack Obama is not a "natural born" citizen.

Why should anyone even question the fact? I mean his birth certificate was even posted on the Internet. Holy shit! It's on the Internet then it must be true. Even press secretary Robert Gibbs laughed and said what do you guys want it's on the Internet. Actually what's on the Internet is a Certificate of Live Birth from the state of Hawaii, not the actual birth certificate.

Well, now there is another birth certificate on the Internet and this one says Obama was born in Kenya. It must be a fake, it's on the Internet...ooops we can't say that.

Now I can't say what's real and what's not real. The whole issue could be resolved easily if Obama would release the original birth certificate, then the nutty birthers could go back to something important like say...finding bigfoot. Can you say transparency?

Non-birthers? Oh you're not getting off that easy! I bet at little league all-star games you're the ones screaming "HEY that kid can't be 12 years old! Where's his birth certificate?". Or maybe you were one of the one's who thought the Chinese "actually" cheated in the Olympics.


This did happen to me when I played little league. The team we played had some gargantuan kid pitching with more facial hair than one of those Geico caveman commericals. What did we hear?, "HEY that kid's too old to play little league!". The next day the team had to bring the kids original birth certificate to prove he was 12 years old. He was, and everyone shut up.

So who is the nutcase?

Both documents are listed below, I'll let you decide which nutcase you want to be.







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